In a world where being emotional is seen as a sign of weakness, it’s tough to get deep into how we really feel. But if we’re constantly trying to hide it, trying to not feel it at all…. where is the growth in that?
Because it’s always about the growth. If you don’t see it that way, you must. Every challenge is a chance for personal growth and when you start to see it that way, you face it head-on. Yes, fear is always there, but when you’ve experienced high levels of personal growth, there is no limit to what you can achieve.
Have you ever been told you were too emotional? Felt too much? I see online all the time this saying now ” all the feels” and although it’s not correct English by any means, we somehow know exactly what someone means when they say it. All…the…feels.
What would happen if you actually ‘felt all the feels?’ If you dove deep into what you actually felt, dove even deeper into why you felt that way and found a pearl of wisdom? I find we try so hard to be strong, to show that we’ve got it all together that we miss the point of it all. When you can get down deep with your feelings, your true beliefs about who you are today, it can be scary but ever so beautiful. Today we want real, authentic…we crave it yet we are afraid of it ourselves.
What if feeling it all is too much? What if you don’t know what to do with how it feels? It won’t grow you by hiding it from the world. Hiding your story. Who you really are. The pain, the good, the bad, the ugly. It’s what makes you so perfect. Have you ever thought of it that way? Instead, we think it’s what makes us seem broken. This truth of who you really are is what binds you and holds you together. Your pain is your power. So trust in the way it makes you feel because there is another side of bliss to it. You just have to stick to committing to healing long enough to see the bliss. Believe that it’s there because it is.
I remember when my Mom died last Oct 2017, I didn’t want to feel anything at all. I didn’t want to feel the complete and utter sense of regret I had for all the times I didn’t call her back, all the times I let my anger and unwillingness to forgive come in the way of being loved by her. That hurt and still does today sometimes. I didn’t want to feel the deep sense of loss of someone that molded me into who I am today with a painful story of love and loss. I didn’t want to feel the pain of losing her. I thought that if I let myself give in to the pain, I’d lose myself forever.
That pain, I was so afraid of it. On the day of her funeral, I was so scared it would take me hard. And of course, it did for a moment. There was this moment that I couldn’t help myself, I couldn’t hold it in….and I felt this sense of tingling all over my body… like my own angels were there with me holding me up as I felt like I was going to pass out. I could hear someone wailing an ever so painful cry and realized it was coming from me. It was an out-of-body experience to feel that. I didn’t want it to take me over and lose myself in it.
That was a fear that continued for months after. I kept worrying about falling into this pit of depression. Like it was waiting there for me to fall in. So instead I allowed the feelings to come and when they did, I let them wash over me. I felt the depth of my pain, cried out to her and asked her to send me signs that she could hear me. I asked her where she was now? Even though I could feel her, hear her and see her there in my mind’s eye.
The pit of despair never came. It may still, but I’m not afraid anymore. I allow it to come, and each time the feelings do, I welcome them and let them pass through me. Each time I mourn, I heal. Those tears heal me more and more. I feel the strength in that pain. It’s propelled me to change into something fierce. Something that won’t settle for less, that will fight for what’s right and will never take another day for granted.
So allow yourself to feel. Feel the good stuff without judging it or worrying whether it will last. Feel the bad stuff and allow it to heal you into a stronger version of yourself.
All I can say is that there is so much power in that. Feeling all the feels.
So next time someone says being emotional is weak, realize they mean themselves. Acknowledging emotions and feelings are the gateway to a stronger more powerful version of yourself.
In love and so much light,